I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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