Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
