Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
