my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
