you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
