Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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