I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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