watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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