I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
