May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
