her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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