Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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