Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
