Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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