I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She just used a chaser for red wine.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
