I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am puke
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
