i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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