you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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