I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
