i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
