That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Alive.
So much puke
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
