ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
