He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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