I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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