Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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