I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
