i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
