Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
