They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Less talking, more tequila
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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