If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
