When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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