FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
