I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
