I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
