hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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