I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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