I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
this hospital has no fireball
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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