if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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