It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
