so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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