Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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