Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
