The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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