Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
