What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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