How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
