haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
