It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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