She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
