I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
