make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
